We’re often told that in order to get maximum pleasure in bed and reach our seventh heaven we just have to let go. But what does this really mean? We’ll tell you everything you need to know about what can seem to be a very vague idea.
The importance of letting go
Before dissecting this well-worn piece of advice, let’s just remind ourselves in a few lines about the benefits of letting go. In concrete terms, in order to feel sexual pleasure when the opportunity arises, it is necessary to ‘feel like it’. This expression, we all know.
Your partner: “Shall we go to the cinema?”
You: “No, I don’t feel like it”.
To not feel like it is to be half interested, or not at all! It is not actively wanting or feeling ready to do something. The result is that you go to the cinema anyway (or to bed) and feel slightly absent. You find it impossible to be entirely in the moment, as your head is elsewhere, maybe with the taxes that have to be paid, some problems at work, or the cleaning which needs to be done. Letting go is therefore cutting off completely to be entirely present, here and now.
Letting go, a precise definition
If you really think about the idea of letting go you imagine yourself climbing a rockface, gripping on tightly with your two hands. You have two objectives: not to fall and to continue to climb. We can define the fact of holding on as a need to control everything, and worse, to think we can control everything. This is where we find ourselves on a daily basis, planning, organising, pondering, thinking, preparing and anticipating – and then moaning when things don’t go to plan. Therefore, we are always thinking about later, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and what has to be done and achieved. But where is the present moment in all that? Totally forgotten.
Letting go is therefore dropping those hands which are gripping on to the rockface. Visualise what you are holding on to: stress, worries or negative thoughts. You are weighed down by them and that makes you tense. If you let go, your body and head become empty, you feel lighter and relieved of everything weighing on your mind. You are available in the present moment, allowing kisses and caresses to have a greater effect!
Et l’instant présent dans tout ça ? Aux oubliettes. Lâcher prise, ce serait donc, en pratique, laisser tomber nos mains qui s’agrippent. Visualisez vos prises : stress, soucis, pensées négatives. Vous êtes tenu à elles et ça vous crispe ! Si vous les lâchez, voilà que corps et tête se vident, que vous vous sentez léger, débarrassé de tout ce qui encombre votre esprit. Disponible au moment présent, une bonne caresse et un bon baiser vous feront plus d’effets !
In concrete terms, how to let go
Don’t try to let go of all your holds at once, because you risk being scared alone in the vide, and there is no point in putting on any pressure. Rather, let go by step by step, maybe hour by hour. For example, switch off your telephone for an hour, allowing yourself to put things off until later. You will see that worries can wait, the earth won’t stop turning because of a bill you haven’t paid.
In your daily life, train yourself to let go more and more. Identify what your holds are, all the little things that stress you and seem like obligations or urgent. You simply have to say to yourself that it is okay if this evening we don’t do the washing up, that it doesn’t matter if today you are five minutes late, and so what if you go out to the supermarket without make-up. It feels good, right?
Thanks to these daily exercises, when you get to the bedroom you will be better at letting go. You will realise that you are capable of giving in to the moment and not thinking about the petrol for the car, which can wait until tomorrow. When an unwanted thought crosses your mind, you will file it away for later.
Because, yes, you’re in bed, mid-caress, and it is a shame not to make the most of it, right?