Alicia, 33: "To come, I have to dominate".
Alicia, 33, likes to dominate in bed. While many men have been surprised by her go-getter character, her current partner loves being submissive. She tells us.
My profile is unusual. My friends regularly tell me that they like to be submissive in bed. It's the opposite that turns me on. I realized this early on in my sex life. Quite naturally (and because we're still living in the old scheme that says the man proposes and the woman disposes...), guys took the lead. They'd decide on the position, sometimes getting out their nails, and me, to get into the game, I'd take on the air of a "fragile little thing" who likes to obey. But I was radically bored. It's generally claimed that the submissive dominates just as much, because from the moment he accepts submission, imposes limits and opens certain doors, he's in control. That may be so. But I wanted to be the one who decides and directs, guides and surprises. Not the one who tacitly drives and takes less initiative.
I like to be a source of surprise
Women who prefer to be submissive appreciate the surprise effect. At least, that's what I often hear. They never know what their partner is going to do or say. For them, it's a way of abandoning themselves to the act of sex, to stop thinking, to disconnect, to get away... What I really enjoy is watching my partner let go... thanks to me! I like to surprise him, I like to be on top of him - the Andromache is my favorite position. I choose the rhythm, decide to speed up or slow down, put a hand over his mouth or close his eyes. He never knows what to expect, he's facing the unknown and he loves it. I'm also into crude words, so I like to tell him what I want and give him orders. I get a kick out of it when I do, and I enjoy observing his reactions.
That's how I get my kicks.
Behind my behavior, one could think of a need for omnipotence. It could also be a fear of giving in, I've already thought about that. I don't think that's the case, because when I act the way I do, I lose my footing. It's my own way of finding pleasure, firstly because my partner loves it and it's contagious, and secondly because directing the intercourse allows me to go where I want (always with his consent) and so live the moment to the full. Initially, I imagined that I wasn't confident enough with the men I met. Even if it's a game, you have to feel safe to put on the submissive costume. But I've been in long relationships where I felt good, but I couldn't let myself go. Maybe I'm like that in bed because I'm rather shy in everyday life. Sex is a secret garden, a place where I dare to express myself.
I've baffled some men
I'm lucky, because my partner really likes it when I take the lead. We've found the right balance. Sometimes he orders me to play submissive, but it always lasts a minute or two, and it's just to get me off my game, as if I needed to "get even". With my exes, things were different. I rarely knew men who loved to be submissive. They were baffled by me! They didn't necessarily expect to dominate, but they hoped to alternate all the time. As a result, I experienced a lot of bestial relationships! Everyone wanted to take power. It made the act interesting and pleasant, in a different way. But I sometimes came across men who quickly told me they didn't appreciate it. They felt they had nothing to do. I can only understand, because I don't like this position myself. In the end, it's a question of finding someone who's right for you in that respect... We all have our own preferences in bed.
Passionate about writing and sexuality, Alexandra is also a sex coach for GOLIATE and has participated in the development of sex tutorials.